Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Carrie Fisher had information to get Hillary arrested. But just in case Hillary's people got to her, she passed along the info to her mom.

   confused by all the people I've seen today complaining about of all things FACEBOOK...if this is your biggest problem today I'm sure thousands of soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan would gladly take your problem over what they're dealing with.

   I invented a new sexual position called "The Republican" where I screw poor people.

   Apparently one in ten people in the UK live next to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to two gorgeous 13 year olds

   You know what would really be epic? If people would stop using the work epic when describing things that actually aren't.

   Some people are born mature, and some need it thrust upon them. Tehehe... thrust.

   I know there are people who really want to hate me, but it's nearly impossible when I'm kinda, sorta, REALLY amazing.

   before you post a tready status update about something like..I don't know....11:11 on 11/11/11 look to see if other people posted about it. If they did, its not original and don't bother.

   How do I always end up stalking people on Facebook that I don't even know...

   when people ask me if they are twins, Isay" no triplets", and I FREAK OUT and start looking for the missing one.

   Its my policy never to date people who just broken up coz the chances of them going back to their ex are too great to ignore leaving me all alone looking like a schmuck.

   People die when women are “fine.”

   I can't believe I used to talk to people.

   says people with children always ask when you're having children like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.

   I kinda wish the world was flat. That way I could just push off the people I don't like.

   "Good people don't go into goverment." D.J.T.

   Casinos,steaks,universities,a brand of Vodka and now our country. Open your eyes people.

   Donald Trump go home you're drunk.

   tall people get tired of you askin them to reach stuff on store top shelves, imagine askin midgets to opick yur change up off the floor at the register when dropped?

   I can't help but wonder how police handcuff people with one arm?