Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Theres a new movie coming out starring Miley Cyrus...Its name? "LOL"...the Mayans were right people..

   Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

   I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous class today and introduced myself to 12 other people. When I walked out I was no longer anonymous but was still an alcoholic?

   What a night! Got drunk with some friends; broke into the zoo; had a very realistic dream about having sex with a midget nun; woke up with a penguin in my bed. EPIC!

   Irony: People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.

   People who over exaggerate literally make me want to shoot myself in the face 287 billion times.

   Fun Fact: the seven letters of "rainbow" stand for the different colors! Red, arange, iellow, neen, blue, ondigo, and wiolet. I'm drunk.

   We live in a culture where we are surrounded by smart phones and stupid people.

   A recent government survey reports that people are more cynical these days than any time in history. Like I'm really supposed to believe that…

   I wonder if Satan gets a lot of wish lists in the mail during the holiday season from dyslexic people.

   Some people need to realize there is a "reply" option and a "reply all button".

   You don't need reasons to kill people, you need opportunities.

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   I'd kiss you right now but my breath would make you instantly drunk!

   when people ask....I tell them I been sober for 21 years.

   Thanks FB, for reminding people I haven't seen in 15 years that it's my birthday. Now my day is complete!!

   ■Nothing is forever. Especially people. Don't have your hopes high, Friends become strangers, Lovers become friends, & People leave.

   you know we're getting lazy as people when you see "ready in 5 minutes" and you roll your eyes

   Some people don't like Vietnemese food,but I don't know what they're complaining pho.

   People say that money isn't the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.