Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I just have no patience for people who don't know how to do their jobs effectively. I paid for sex now you figure the rest out.

   why drunk showers are a bad idea: almost accidentally waterboarded myself. moral of the story: use the buddy system.

   Heritage For The Blind wants me to donate my old car to them. FUNK THAT! We have enought people that can't drive that can see why the hell would I want a blind person driving.

   Oh, I see. Now I'm supposed to recruit a bunch of people to move gigantic limestone blocks. This is starting to sound like a pyramid scheme.

   TEENAGERS: The most misunderstood people on earth. Treated like children & expected to act like adults.

   Oprah named her channel OWN cuz she wants to own people like slaves

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!

   she knows that some people never have to worry about hemorrhoirds, because they are perfect a**holes.

   It'll be 100 years since the R.M.S Titanic sank in five days. Some of the wealthiest people died that day. It was also Tax Deadline Day? Someone didn't pay their taxes......

   No story that begins with "She had never drunk tequila before" ever has a happy ending

   "I don't know why poor people hate me. There's always a new refrigerator box in my front yard for them to use."~ Rush Limbaugh

   This empty bottle of rum has very good manners for being completely drunk. I on the other hand do not.

   I'm not drunk...I'm avoiding snipers.

   Why are the Egyptian people so angry......

   I don't mind it when people let their minds go blank. I just wish they would log off Facebook when it happens.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   Negative Thoughts + Negative People = Negative Life

   Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!

   Some people in your life are there to serve a certain purpose, well this is your notice your services are no longer needed.

   1 out of 8 people suffers from multiple personality disorder but to that one person that statistic would be 3 out of 8.