Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hate when people put words in my mouth.. with the possible exceptions of “waffle” or “sandwich.”

   I hate when people put every detail of everything they do on here! I don't want to know about what you are doing at every moment, be right back I have to poop!

   I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

   Why do people point at a clock and say “Is that the time?” and your thinking, “Nah mate its a Hamburger, Have a Bite

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   My Take on Glee: So it's people singing, dancing, and having sex, all with a guy in a wheelchair watching. Kinda like an orgy at Larry Flynt's house.

   Are you a robot? So why do you keep doing what people tell you and expect you to do?

   They sent my Census form back-AGAIN!!! In response to the question: "Do you have any dependents?" I replied - "12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 8.5 million unemployed people, 7 million in prisons; millions in every state collecting we

   I wonder if starving kids in Africa are comforted by the fact that people routinely use them as an excuse to over eat.

   It amazes me how most politicians havent contracted some type of STD from all the people they have screwed during their tenure. Figuratively and literally.

   not for everyone results may vary. Side effects may include splitting side, spastic outbursts, spewing drinks out your nose and extreme awesomeness. Not recommended for people with heart problems or expecting mothers..

   some people walk into you life and leave footprints on your heart, others make you want to leave footprints on their faces.

   With the way some people make you feel guilty about discussing sex, you would think God created the human body and the devil slapped on the genitals.

   Sometimes I hate being around interesting people because it means I have to try and be interesting too.

   I'm not drunk. I'm just tired from.....ah who am I kidding, I'm drunk!

   some people have a way with words other people have not way.

   believe it or not, there's people out there that actually liked "Grease 2"

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean one of them enjoys it?

   you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

   People say best friends are hard to find. That's because the best one's already mine.