Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   some people leave the "smart" out of smartass!

   Jesus hung out with the prostitutes an sick people. That's what I do whenever I go to a bar.

   Boss: You drunk? Me: No I'm totally "sober" Him: Did you do air quotes when you said sober? Me: What? No. Look, I need to get back to "work"

   eHarmony should be more like Amazon for those sad lonely people. "Customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03."

   ‎"im thankful the idiot with the gun was too drunk to aim "---living turkey

   Always remember that famous rich people poop just like the rest of us.

   I have so many "get into heaven points" from so many people "praying for me" to "save my soul" that I can safely cause hell on earth.

   If ur so damn concerned about animal testing then why dont you lobby to allow voluntary human testing in the U.S. AND THEN go volunteer. People who give $ to help animals but leave children & other humans 2 suffer piss me off.

   Guns don't kill people. Husbands that come home early do

   Over 12 people shot at a Mothers Day parade in New Orleans today. Such a messed up world we live in.

   When religious people judge you for not being religious. Pretty sure your religion says your not supposed to judge other people. Talk about being hypocritical.

   they're 3 kinds of people in this world. Those that are good with math, an those who aren't.

   Why do people yell "Hello?" in horror movies. What do you think the killer is going to say? "I'm making a sandwich in the kitchen. Want one?"

   People who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what's your plan?

   If all of your Facebook pictures are tiny, people think you're retarded.

   You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say, "Guess what?"

   Either I'm really drunk or you're really hot. The choice is yours.

   People keep asking, "Should Palin run?" YES! She should run back to Alaska as fast as her $300,000.00 bus can carry her. Go roam the frozen tundra, Caribou Barbie.

   Smart phones, smart cars, smart everything... Where are all the smart people?

   Avanika Mote : What's with people wanting a "dislike" button on FB?? Guys, just don't click the "like" button on a post....Ain't that wayy simpler, much logical and less offensive?