Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes.

   how come you never see animal cruelty people protesting turtlenecks?

   Imagine: Naked in a room full of people who speak a different language & everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog. 🐕

   20 years ago no one knew what gluten was. Now there are like three people left in the world who can eat a bagel

   What exactly do you need to eat to achieve "wall splatter" in a public restroom?....* People amaze me.

   I imagine that fish that are caught and released are the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

   If Zombies eat brains, I know a lot of people who have nothing to worry about. . .

   A new study shows that as people get older women retain memory better than men. This just proves that thing my wife told me...

   it is unbelievable how much hair I'm pulling outta my nose, I wonder If I can sell it to the people who make wigs...

   Sometimes late at night I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

   Thinks he should change his name to TomTom. I have had at least 5 people today stop and ask me for directions. I guess I look like a guy who knows where he is going… If they only new the truth, LoL

   You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.

   Obama: "We Must Punish Our Enemies" American Teabaggers and GOP candidates are enemies of the Latino people??? This DUDE is the Anti Christ.......

   Let's say you know 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt that you'd take a bullet for your child. Let me ask you this: why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?

   People with high I.Q.'s should get to vote twice.

   Why do I have a feeling that the people who correct the spelling and punctuation on Facebook posts are the same ones who got bullied a lot in school?

   Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be an Atheist and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.

   When I was young, I always thought that old people walk the way they do because they crapped their pants. Now that I'm older I know why. It's because they crapped their pants. 

   I don't know how the Canadian anthem isn't just people apologizing.

   The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.