Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   As a comedian, people don't care about you until you speak, then they like you. As a model it's the opposite.

   I think I should tell you what people are saying behind your back.……. Nice Ass!!

   It's like these people at work don't even know who I think I am.

   "I am not such a dictator that I would shut down Facebook. I will merely imprision anyone who logs into it." ~ Muammar Gaddafi (people are serious you f**k with thie FB you die)

   What People Care About In February: 99% -- Deadpool, 1% -- Valentines Day.

   A major shout out to hotel maids and maintenance people on February 15th.

   I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World holding a fishing rod.

   Fact: People that don't like pizza are on a most wanted list somewhere.

   Its Saturday evening; time to browse through facebook and be judgmental on people's posts, of which most of them are under the influence.

   I'm convinced some people are so dead inside that if you cut them they'd bleed black.

   Why do people with the most to say contribute the least???

   The neighbors dog is thankful I'm not drunk enough to discharge a firearm in the city limits. yet.

   Relationships are like fat people... they just don't workout !!

   Katy Perry's new video is so unrealistic, all those people exploding and not a Muslim in sight.

   I always yell at Chinese people walking their dogs because it's rude to play with your food.

   I stoped stabing people in the back years ago... now I stab them right in the face...

   I heard some people talking $hit about you, they were saying you loved co#k sandwiches, but I stuck up for you - I told them you don't even like bread

   Imagine if people were punished like dogs and had our noses rubbed in wrong doings? "Aw man, forgot to take out the trash" Welp, untie that bag and get your face in there. Look at him, he knows what he did.

   People say that my analogies are as bad as a candle on a forklift.

   I love how people fight via facebook when their in relationships... Why even bother changing the relationship status to single.. When you know you ass is guna change it back in 15mins! Do us all a favor an STFU!