Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Back before clocks and calendars I bet people used wonder why one day out of seven always sucked

   joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.

   thinks the fine people at Aleve are very wise indeed. For headaches, take two Aleve, and keep away from children.

   When I run for president, if you vote for me i'll make it so homeless people can't have dogs anymore.

   Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

   Everybody's human - everybody makes mistakes. If you laugh it off and keep going and try to give it your best the next time around, people respect that.

   Wondering if people will start looking at pictures of the moon in 'natural color' and not 'greyscale or B+W' like NASA has been showing us for 50+ years and realize a secret so profound, it will change the course of mankind forever...

   would like to point out that playing violent video games never did me any harm (not so sure about those people buried under the deck, though)

   I'm not cranky.. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people..

   bases off how many people like his status to his happiness on facebook.

   People are like slinkys Useless Stupid But Fun to Push down Stsirs

   If people winked as much in real life as they do in text, this world would be a really creepy place.

   suge knight out here killin people, wu-tang about to drop a new album, gas under $2.... I feel like a kid again.

   I can keep a secret, its all the people I tell who cant.

   Remember how people saying the pandemic would be over the day after the election? Well, you haven't seen much about in the news these past few days, have you?

   They should make a show like cash cab called Cats Cab where people get into a taxi and a cat is driving and all these flashing lights go off, but instead of answering questions everyone dies because cats can't drive.

   Love is Love and Sex is Sex. You don't need to be in love to have sex but you need good sex to stay in love. Some people's sex will make you fall in love.

   Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends."

   I went to the movies cause people wanted to see Eclipse, So I slowly covered the projector beam. Caused a riot, at least I got a better show than what that movie would have been.

   reality shows about cake bosses, exterminators, ghost chasing plumbers, douchey Jersey people , pawn brokers, repo guys, and vapid celebutards... what's next? A show about paint drying?