Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't mind when people exercise their right to free speech, but I'd prefer they'd exercise their right to remain silent.

   'tipsy' is not in my vocabulary... It's 'drunk' or 'sober'.

   What's it called when you hate everyone but still want people to like you? I'm that.

   Valentines Day: You give me the kind of feeling people write sappy novels about.

   A big shout out to all those people who wrote the answers in our textbooks, when we were in school.

   The secret to success is to surround yourself with people that don't know you.

   Out shopping for keychain pepper spray for when people start saying “See you next Year!” to me....

   Not sure who's gonna win this years presidential election, but two people who are going to be my cabinet will be, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam..

   I've been putting Root Beer in a square glass all evening. I'm still not drunk.

   My uncle is the town drunk. Unfortunately, the town is Chicago.

   It's October...Which means it's time for people to put up the Christmas decorations they took down in July.

   I don’t trust people who drive like a turtle and then all of a sudden find the gas pedal and weave in and out of traffic the minute you pass them up. The only impression I have of you is, you must be bipolar

   My new motto is "Get drunk or try dying!"

   People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

   I bet it's really hard for people on Botox to give others a disapproving scowl.

   wondering why people with hundreds of friends on FB are spending their time on FB and not with one of them instead

   I'd rather be quarantined with my family than with the finest people in the world.

   I bet people's pets are just loving this quarantine

   I like seeing people with no mask or gloves on. Just raw doggin' life

   People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time.