Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People are so afraid right now… you could rob a bank with a booger.

   I heard the government is putting chips inside people... I hope I get Doritos.

   My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?

   People are so quick to think you smoke when they see a lighter in your room. Did you stop to think for a second that maybe, just maybe I use it to heat up heroin in my teaspoon Abigail?

   No Offence but I find it funny when deaf people get scared when i'm yawning infront of them

   We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like....... "well i'm bored, lets go brush our teeth!"

   Turns out most people find History Boring ..... Which also turns out that is why they keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. (Forgive me folks ... that's an intellectual joke)

   I'm hoping for some good job openings I can fill when people leave for the Rapture.

   Don't you hate it when people just randomly tag you in their Facebook post!?

   Do not be sad if people preferred another one on you .. It's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries sweeter than bananas

   A lot of people have made decisions about what I should do with my life; unfortunately, it hasn't worked out too well for them.

   1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.

   ..... For some people madness isn't only confined to March!!!

   Some people push your buttons and others just outright break your keyboard!!!

   hate when people say "i can't complain"..really? because all you do is complain

   Nowadays people feel they need to identify with others before they can even identify with themselves.

   Avoid sharing your alcohol, by surrounding yourself with people that don't drink.

   The only time most people come clean is in the shower.

   Twinkies are returning to the store shelves which means that people will be renewing their Jenny Craig membership in the very near future.