Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live

   Get a big metal box, label it "TIME CAPSULE" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2012 was like.

   People make fun of Gary Johnson for not knowing what Aleppo is...meanwhile they support a family that doesn't know the meaning of "classified" and the word "is"

   whenever people ask me why I am putting on so much weight, I like to answer with,"Well, trying to grow brea$ts so I can get more likes on my status updates!"

   that moment when your sarcasm is so second nature people actually think you are stupid

   Getting so tired of the whole "Occupy Wall Street" protest... it's getting old. Besides, have you seen these people? Half of them look like they should be occupying Bourbon St., and the other half don't look smart enough to occupy Sesame St...

   Just for fun, I like to take my 5yo to the Walmart pet aisle, and watch people's reactions when I make her try on dog collars..

   how come everytime someone on TV says there's gonna be snow, people go nuts and rush to the supermarket and buy food as if the snow is gonna keep people from stuffing themselves in their homes. Does snow make people more hungry or something??

   Barack Obama's best bet tonight is to just run into the room, strongly high-five as many people as he can and then run out...because...I'm pretty sure we know what the state of our union is.

   that awkward moment when you realized that thousands of other people actually went to google and typed in "funny facebook status's"

   I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.

   I'm one of those people that tried this at home.

   Marriage is nature's way of keeping people from fighting with strangers.

   wonders if real mafia dudes sit around playing "Boring-ass normal people wars"?

   One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

   thinks that the older I get , the more young people look the same...That, or Justin Bieber just delivered my nespaper.

   "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." George W. Bush

   Just because a few people, most of whom were drunk, said you are pretty, doesn't automatically mean you are a model.

   Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class

   Man posted "saved 30 people from a fire" 2 ppl like this, female half naked in her pic posted "the mail man didnt come today"= 65 ppl like this