Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Celebrating 6 yrs of a social epidemic.Congrats Facebook for connecting people with friends;old,new,and weird. Using up people's time online. Poking as many women as possible.F*cking up relationships/marriages,and checking up on people's exaggerated lives

   I like to keep a picture of myself in my wallet so when people show me pictures of their kids I can show them a pic of me not giving a sh!t.

   I've learned that no matter how much I try... how much I care... or how much I do...... some people are just @ssholes!

   To all the people that think the world ends December 21 2012, you can stop using condoms this month

   I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.

   People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them!!!!

   If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?

   So I've never done cocaine, but I have a question. Why do people do it in the bathroom? If you were doing a drug that you had to sniff really hard to do, isn't someplace where people poop not the ideal place?

   When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.

   Some people make me understand why monkeys throw their poo.

   That annoying moment when two people start a conversation on YOUR Facebook status.

   According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!

   People who don't know what they want should not use the drive thru!

   There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.

   wonders When did LuLuLemon become the preferred clothing line for overweight and out of shape people?

   3 people everyone hates: - Anyone asking questions when a meeting is about to end - Anyone who holds the elevator for anyone - Kanye West

   I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.

   People with full heads of hair that complain about grey hairs make me sick. It's like complaining that your Lamborghini gets terrible gas mileage.

   Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!