Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who make balloon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

   There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

   When you hear people speak in another language: 6% I wish I could speak that. 94% Those b**ches better not be talking about me...

   You know you're drunk when you can speak fluent Ozzy Osbourne

   turns out the March of Dimes people aren't very fond of dimes...

   Some People can be so horrible...to look at.

   We are all born sexual creatures; it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift. ~ Marilyn Monroe

   Why do they subtitle "Swamp People"?

   opening anything with "hey ladies..." makes it easy for people to identify you as a douche.

   The most ordinary things are made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people...

   Somebody should invent a breathalyzer you can hook to your computer to prevent people from facebooking while intoxicated...

   Sometimes, you simply need to walk away from people that weren't who you thought they were...or more importantly, who you wanted them to be.

   If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast

   Facebook: a book with more good looking people than the real world.

   Things people say after watching a movie: 5% - I can't wait for the sequel. 5% - That was a great movie 5% - that's was a complete waste of money 85% - I gotta pee.

   It must be nice for boring people, they can just think themselves to sleep.

   Christmas Schmistmas....March features the greatest holiday of the year. Any festivity that centers itself around getting drunk on beer, and stuffed on a big hunk of beef soaked in brine wins my vote.

   Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live the longest.

   Listen I'm not an alcoholic, they go to meetings...I'm a drunk we go to parties!

   I love myself because I don't have enough money to make other people do it.