Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   translating naughty words on google translate.

   A recent 100 million dollar study conducted by Harvard University just discovered that running out of money may be the main cause for Bankruptcy.

   wonders if a bunch of Shamwows will help clean up the spill in the Gulf

   Two girls, one cup.........The Williams sisters at Wimbledon.

   If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of it

   the grass may be greener on the other side... but it is just as hard to mow.

   If we arent meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge?

   My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober."

   Ok, it's official...I spend way too much time on facebook. I just caught myself giving my boss a thumbs up because I liked something He said.. God help me!

   Nobody notices what I do..until I don't do it.

   If you don't like being tailgated, then don't play movies I like.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

   My thermostats are revealing just how cold it is today ~ Note to self: Get a thicker bra...

   I got along fine before I knew you. I'll get along find after.

   Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?

   We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

   Every time I hang out with my old roommate from college, we get drunk. I think he may have a drinking problem…

   I'm not the jealous type. And no I don't know why every time you talk to someone the police find their body dumped in a river the next day.

   "They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.

   I wasn't whole until we met. Only now am I a complete idiot.