Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people only lived to the ripe old age of 30.

   I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one.

   Dear Kids, go to College…it’s the only time it’s acceptable to be drunk and poor.

   I often wonder if people think they are invisible when they're picking their nose while they drive, is there some kind of stealth button up there they press. . .

   Apparently a happy wife is a drunk wife.

   Well,,, You don’t see as many people in the third world with a ‘slow metabolism’??,,,, do ya!

   Pants are for people with something to hide.

   The problem with the general public is that it's made up of people.

   Of all the people that ignore me... you're my favorite.

   We never had an on-and-off relationship before getting married. Ours was more of an in-and-out-and-in-out thing. People should try that!

   I want to be famous and make a cure that saves tens of people!

   I know you people can't think everyone that messages you is a bouquet of roses. C'mon...tell people what you REALLY think of them. THAT would be more interesting to read!

   I think tonight I'm gonna work on my grammar... Gonna see if I can get drunk enough to type in cursive...

   Hide your true colors and let people paint their picture of you.

   i dont mind walking past bushes alone on a dark night. What I do mind is when people start jumping out of them

   For some people freedom is like spring animals seeing the light.

   The entire US government defrauds the country on a daily basis, yet there are people who freak out if they're sent a fake profile.

   Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster.

   The Pope has now said "there is no Hell". Where am I gonna tell people to go now?

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diahrea,does that mean 1 enjoys it?