Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People in relationships are usually okay with cold weather because they can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   if people are trying to bring you down it only means you are above them

   People disregard you when they don't want you, but they are quick to acknowledge you when they need your help.

   I'll stop making excuses when other people start taking responsibility for my actions.

   We live on a world where smart people are called nerds and social outcast, and stupid people are the cool ones. And they get all the damn hot chicks.

   I'll take SPORTS SUPERSTARS for $1000 Alex. The answer: Allen Iverson and Randy Moss. *buzzes in* Who are 'people that no one wants on their team anymore?'

   No unwilling people were harmed during the making of this status. Viewer discretion is advised

   I'm not drunk... I'm just tired from drinking all day!

   People think I'm sleeping in this tent to see that stupid Twilight movie, I'm just first in line for Black Friday.

   At least broken people are interesting. You can't fix boring...

   Normal people are the crazy psychos who hide it very well!

   I find humor in everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at

   Problem: Always get stuck next to obnoxious drunk guy on plane. Solution: Be obnoxious drunk guy on plane.

   If you'd asked me to guess which groups would be really into wearing sunglasses, I would not have gotten 'blind people.'

   I'd like to be drunk with power but I've never even been buzzed. I'm like the designated driver of power.

   You haven't really made it until people start using your name as a verb.

   I'm not saying kill all stupid people. I'm saying remove all warning labels from everything. The problem should sort itself out.

   People are so paranoid nowadays. They refuse to answer Knock-Knock jokes until I show some I.D.

   Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.

   My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.