Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   if Trump can't keep people from climbing his tower, how is he going to keep them from climbing his wall?

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"

   When people tell me knock knock jokes I pretend I'm not home.

   A guy on the subway couldn't squeeze past everyone to get off, so he yelled, "I think I'm gonna sh*t." Suddenly, people found a way to make room and he stepped off, smiling, and strolled away. Good one, sir.

   I was very ambitious about achieving goals until I learned you can just go to bars and lie to people.

   Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't speel.

   Road rage catalyst: People who slow down and creep when turning a corner.

   I don't know why people complain about wanting more hours in the day. If I had more hours I'd have to get more creative about how I waste them.

   Remember when only the really cool people were on Facebook? Oh, you weren't here then? Oops, my bad.

   Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer?

   I never smile in public. Smiles invite people to talk.

   There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

   Dear Reality, I've a list of people you forgot to slap!

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everybody remembers it except you..

   oday I tried the whole Yahoo vs Google thing. I typed "Why is there." Yahoo gave me "Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball" and Google gave me "Why is there a drunk Chinese man doing push ups on my front lawn." Google wins yet again.

   There are some people on Facebook who don't understand the difference between 'Whats on your mind?' And ‘I should probably see a therapist about this'

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude you logged into Myspace"

   The only people who get offended are hypocrites. And I'm happy to make them uncomfortable...

   Michael Myers in his 60’s walking around killing people like he got no lower back pain