Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single."

   People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies...

   Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash.

   You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

   I bet deaf people get really confused when they talk to someone who is applying hand lotion...

   Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.

   I hate seeing people who owe me money post pics of all they bought on Black friday

   If you see a dude at the park with a case of beer, making homeless people dance for a can, come over and shake my hand.

   Twitter makes me love people I've never met and Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.

   People who live in glass houses, shouldn't be allowed to be ugly.

   HAPPY HOUR - Where the worst selling and nastiest tasting alcoholic beverages are sold for half price to a bunch of alcoholics too drunk to notice.

   Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government

   Happiness comes from the changes we make for ourselves, not the changes that people want from us.

   Smoking doesnt kill people...People who are trying to quit smoking kill people

   Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

   People at work always ask me, Sean- how can you stand to sit so close to that space heater, you have to be burning up- I tell them I was married once and enjoyed the time I spent in Hell

   I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.

   The first few people to join Facebook must have felt like pretty big losers.

   OMG!! I'm not going to click on that link to see what that dad posted on his daughter's wall! Its spam people, stop the madness!!!

   GOP= Greed Over People