Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You can do a thousand GOOD things and a a hundred GREAT things. But if you do just one BAD thing, people will remember you for that.

   Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night

   I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

   Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

   When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

   I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.

   "Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?" "I'm too drunk, Officer. You get in."

   When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.

   Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.

   I don't care what people think of me. It can't be half as bad as what I think of them...

   I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.

   Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn't trust with a Glo-Stick Day!!!

   I'm fed up of people challenging my ethics and saying I don't do enough to better the world. Even my coat is recycled, It used to be a leopard

   When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”

   Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport

   Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.

   Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?.....That's as crazy as the low low prices at Dave's Furniture Emporium

   It's sad to see how people seem to put more effort into their wedding than they do into their marriage.

   The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.

   Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it