Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   says This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our..."

   When work gets monotonous I go for a long sit down potty Break. Then I can honestly say to my boss "Hey! I'm one of the few people who actually gives a sh*t around here!"

   Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.

   Selfish people end up with no real friends......and they deserve it

   How come some people always think they have to have the last text?

   Facebook: helping people stay in touch with their exs they shouldn't be staying in touch with, one break up at a time.

   That girl is such a drunk. Every time I'm at a bar she's there.

   I got so drunk last night I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.

   Whenever I select "Next day delivery" for an online purchase, I imagine all these people running around yelling, "Code Red. Code Red!!" and scurrying like crazy.

   Why is anybody sad about Aaron Hernandez killing himself? He is a murderer. It's funny how people act like he's an angel now.

   In Trump's opinion, his staff member who made fun of John McCain's terminal illness isn't a "traitor," but the people who told the press about it are.

   Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.

   Cat hair is lonely people glitter.

   Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed on them

   Seems the same people saying Trump is a bad choice, is the same people who said Obama was a good choice.

   Getting a fat girl drunk is expensive, it's like filling up a Winnebago with super unleaded.

   Older people who have sex on a regular basis may have a better chance at avoiding dementia. But there's no such luck for anyone who happens to walk in on them.

   Busting your a$$ is not covered by Obamacare... don't risk it people...

   This is something that happened to me, and a lot of people think I'm crazy and I'm making it up or whatever, but six months ago, I was abducted by aliens. They beat the crap out of me. I couldn't get away -- I don't speak Spanish

   We usually dislike people who cheat, lie, or rip us off. So why do we knowingly vote for them to manage our country?