Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I was bitten by a radioactive vegan, and now I have the power to bore people to death.

   I need to quit time-traveling whilst drunk! I can't remember what I did tomorrow.

   I imagine hell to be a room full of drunk guys wanting to tell you about their fantasy football team...

   Last New Year's, people promised me that 2011 would be MY year. Those people are liars and are no longer my life coaches/psychics.

   When I'm at the bar, I buy women drinks based on how high their heels are just so I'll have something to laugh at later when they're drunk.

   You must hate it when people make assumptions about you.

   A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw"

   it just me, or are the people who claim they hate drama actually the most dramatic people I know?

   people are always asking whats the meaning of life, why dont they just look it up in the dictionary. Duh!!!!

   I mix Corona with water and it gets me drunk... mixed Wine with water and it gets me drunk... I mix Tequila with water and gets me drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...

   Sometime I look at people and think, "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh!t a better argument than that"

   I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!

   Don't think of them as gingers. Think of them as sweet potato people.

   Every so often I'll bring my wife and kids out in public just so people understand why I drink.

   laughing at all the lovey dovey posts today from the same people who were so miserable in the exact same relationships that they felt it news worthy enough to post how miserable, unhappy and thoroughly disgusted they were with that exact same person

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   Not to sound like an old maid, but why do people think they need to be in a relationship to be happy? Those who can stand on their own two feet are the ones that I admire most. Be strong and independent. Have patience and love will come.

   Playing the ice cream truck song out of my car and watching all the people running around looking for ice cream.

   The more people I meet, the more I like my damn dog.

   The people you may know list should be renamed to, the people you may want to block. . .