Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The problem isn't government assistance for people who need it. The problem is government assistance for people just because they can get it.

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?

   I am sick of USA blaming their presidents for everything! Help yourselves people! You elected him to be your leader not as your nanny!!

   "George W. Bush is nicknamed '43' because he was the 43rd President of the United States. Barrack Obama is nicknamed '44' because that is how many people have signed up for Obamacare."

   Lets take a minute of silence for the people of Syria who, without outside help or becoming a burden on any country's economy or taxpayers, are fighting bare hand for their freedom. We are with you in spirit.

   I feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together.

   Just curious and not really sure why people like goin to strip clubs...you realize you're paying a girl to pretend to be interested in you?... :)

   Fart when people hug you.....it makes them feel strong.

   Saying “Hey, I just met you, and this is Crazy..” is how I used to introduce my ex to new people.

   Stop doing permanent things for temporary people!

   It isn't you, it's me. It's me wanting to be on top of people who aren't you.

   I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic

   Problem: people lie. Solution: trust no one.

   If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people.

   Don't call people "Ugly" because its offensive. Call them facially challenged, it makes you sound smart

   HEY PEOPLE DRIVING IN SNOW, IF TRAFFIC'S REALLY BAD MAKE SURE YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD AND TYPE IN A TWEET ABOUT IT, OK?

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger… If people could learn to manage their stupidity. 

   My sister is adopted,, but I like to tell people she's "a rescue".

   I'm drunk and horny but not "call my ex" drunk and horny...

   The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.