Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last as long for fat people!

   I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that it will trick people into thinking we already talked.

   The people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

   Getting blind drunk off PBR shall now be known as getting a Pabst Smear.

   believes Jimmy Buffet said it best. . . "Why dont we get drunk and screw?" Happy St. Patrick's and Hump Day everyone!!!

   Being real is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are... you aren't.

   learned that smiling suppresses the gag reflex... and some people wonder why I smile so much around them

   Let's scream at people in a restaurant or a movie theatre. That will prove our point. .

   Of course I wanna go to my high school reunion! There's nothing I'd rather do than waste hundreds of dollars and precious vacation days, just to hang with a bunch of people I couldn't stand. And still can't.

   Sometimes it's too hard to hate everyone all at once, so I hate people in shifts.

   The Day-After-Easter Candy Sale at Walmart looked more like a fight-to-the-death battle royal between pajama-wearing homeless people.

   Always remember: Sometimes you can make people UNHAPPY with your HAPPINESS.

   That moment when you're going to stalk someone and you end up stalking 5 more people because you need to understand the whole conversation.

   heard on CNN that the blackout in India has affected nearly 700 million people...Good luck getting through to Comcast customer service today! ツ

   There would be no limits to what a man could achieve... if he were to apply the same level of focus, persistence and dedication to his daily life... that he does when drunk and trying to convince a hot lesbian to sleep with him...

   Life is short. Tell the people you care about that you love the them. But tell them in German because life is also scary and confusing...

   I have come to the conclusion that Facebook needs to add an option called "People You Don't Want To Know"

   If your relationship is in trouble, don't worry. Join facebook and fill the void in your soul with virtual people.

   Maybe we should all get drunk and tell each other everything we’re too afraid to say sober.

   My wife says "YOU'RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.