Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm beginning to suspect the only reason I'm not hungover is because I'm still drunk.

   My new favorite way to flip people off is to put my middle finger to my forehead and say, "Look, I'm a Unicorn!" Yup. I'm that mature.

   saw two homeless people hitting eachother with cardboard boxes... pillow fight?

   I wish some people could just look at there own true colors of there character and see what an ugly picture they are painting with it.

   .... HECK ... You know there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with this country when people are much more concerned with a few repeated words from a possible First Lady... than ..... 30,000 Deleted Classified Emails from a Major Presidential Candidate!!!

   Shout out to all the Amish people reading this status..........................BUSTED

   Those people who try to tear you down are just pissed that they can't reach you where you are standing.

   Wonders why so many people are freaking out as a result of the Facebook changes. This may be a good indicator that what you really need is a life.

   I gotta get outta this funk, I've somehow lost my spunk. I'm not cheery, or happy, and I hate feeling crappy. Perhaps I should just get drunk!"

   The word “but” is a great way to let people know that the first part of your sentence was all a lie.

   Coffee is nature's way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”

   Oh I get it. Winnie the Pooh Bear can climb a tree with no pants, but when I have a few drinks and do it, people start freaking out.

   If you were on a deserted island and you could only bring one item, how come people never say "A boat"

   The nice thing about waiting a week to listen to your voicemail is that those people usually don't need you for that thing anymore.

   It's about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.

   Why do fools fall in love? Because smart people know that, odds are, it will end horribly.

   If drunk me doesn’t like you, then sober me has seriously thought about murdering you at some point.

   When you are dead you don't know that you're dead, but it's hard for the people around you. It's the same if you are stupid.

   What's the dumbest thing you ever believed as a child? That people above 18 years of age are automatically adults.

   Don't even TRY a home invasion at my house,,, I've got legions of Lego people ready to launch a campaign of foot pain terrorism at my command...