Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   How many people really LOL? Shouldn't it be LQTM (laughing quietly to myself) ?

   People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening" Did Simon and Garfunkel predict the internet??

   I just want to be rich enough to legally hunt people.

   If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.

   It's funny how once they see that you're doing better without them, some people decide that they want you back.

   Don't let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and evict them.

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.

   I can't fall asleep with all these people honking at me. Go around!!

   Ahh Sams Club.. Ever notice the people who frequent that place? It's kind of like the bar scene from StarWars

   I'm not sure what this guy shaking a cup of change at people wants. He must just be bragging that he has change.

   People who persevere are annoying to the rest of us who'd rather quit and go drink.

   I'm not drunk, I'm just trying to walk like Jack Sparrow.

   To the people telling me about how bored they are; don't look at me, I have nothing for you.

   69% of the time people find something dirty in this sentence.

   Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.

   People assume when I yawn that I've lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

   The amount of times I've tried to stick my key in other people's locks just to see if it fits is probably the reason I wasn't given a d*ck

   I hate meeting new people. It's like sitting through a job interview to apply for the position of "acquaintance."

   guess I shouldn't have pre-mixed my vodka and OJ. My kids went to school drunk today...

   I wish people would stop saying the husbands of the women who marched didn't get a sandwich that day. Have you seen those women? No way any of them have a husband.