Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If people try to tell you money doesn't buy happiness - they're wrong. It does.

   I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less!

   Facebook is the perfect tool for keeping in touch with people that you lost touch with for very good reasons.

   Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?

   “We don't lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids

   The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don't.

   not drunk... just deliciously enlightened.

   says the people I work with are making me crazy, I think there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room. If the test shows they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.

   Facebook is making it to easy and socially acceptable to stalk people.

   my new summer accesory is a fly swatter, not to use on flies but to actually pimp slap people who feel that its not necessary to use deodorant

   I just found out that all the people who say "You haven't changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)

   I don't make annoying passive aggressive statuses, unlike some people I know.

   People in Arkansas are curious if this health plan is going to cover tooth whitening.

   No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.

   Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.

   If I ever start a team, I'm going to name it "Each Other Off"...That way when we loose a game, the other players will have to tell people they "beat each other off last night"!!!

   I bet homeless people think we're making fun of them when we go camping.

   When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook status just to freak people out… “hey, who knew they had wi-fi up here?”

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.

   Give me a fish,, & I'll cook you dinner.. Teach me to fish,, & I'll just be sitting there in the boat with you and gettin drunk..