Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.

   There are two types of people in the world. Please stay away from both of them.

   I wonder of the #MeToo movement folks realize that most people born before 1995 see the "#" sign as the "pound"

   I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person

   Things Irish people simply won't do on St. Patrick's Day: 1) Drink green beer. 2) Twerk with leprechauns. 3) Spend $40 on dollar store stuff.

   This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.

   I have a problem with gingerbread people living in houses made of their flesh, but I promised not to bring it up and ruin Christmas again this year.

   When people say we're in this together! I wonder if they'd mind if I sent them some of my bills until my stimulus check gets here?

   If you say "I'm fine" while squirting a can of whipped cream straight into your mouth, people won't believe you but they will also leave you alone.

   All these people running around with masks on.... Made in China

   People who confuse the word "burro" with "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.

   I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...

   Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days

   The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.

   Sorry I freaked you out by paying attention. I keep forgetting that people don't do that anymore.

   Sometimes I put my car in neutral at stoplights and roll back a little so people will think I drive a manual...

   I like to ask people what their sign is and then read them a completely different sign's horoscope just to hear them say "that's so me!"

   People who pretend they don't know me when they see me in public are the real heroes