Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If Facebook really wanted to entertain us, they'd make it a requirement for people to share their "mental status" in addition to each new status update.

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder. 

   Sarcasm - honesty's drunk uncle.

   have you noticed that all ugly people say, beauty is within and all rich people say, money don't buy you happiness ;)

   People who are on drugs don't worry me nearly as much as the people who should be.

   As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I'm gonna try to figure out why I'm so drunk.

   Cell phones ruined the era of throwing people into pools.

   I've seen 4 people go from "in a relationship" to "single" today...yep, it's definitely no shave November.

   I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.

   Dear Lord please grant me one day of freedom from the law so I can set a few people straight :)

   I'm better than most people. Even in the small things. Like when I use a Public Toilet I can easily ascertain that I'm better than 95% of the people who've been there because I know how to flush properlly.

   Do you really have "haters" or are people just telling the truth and you're actually just an a$$hole? Check into that for us. .

   If you're going to get all religious on me, I will post college pictures of you drunk...

   Black friday: because only in America people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   If people could read my mind I'd get punched in the face a lot.

   Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.

   Sexist jokes are wrong and people need to stop post...... Sorry, that was my girlfriend, I left my laptop in the kitchen again.

   How many people have gone to bed so angry with someone you've pretended to have a nightmare , just so you can roll over and punch them in the head??

   I wish people would stop only talking about Jesus and just start acting like him.

   Refusing to accept refugees is not cold and heartless. I lock my doors every night; not because I hate the people on the outside but because I love the people on the inside.