Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.

   There are some incredibly dumb people in this world. Thank you for helping me understand that.

   I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?

   CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”

   A lot of people like BBQ ribs, but I make it look like an episode of the Walking Dead.

   Half of the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

   It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.

   I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in face, but with words.

   Before Therapy: I hate people. After Therapy: I feel good about hating people.

   When people tell me “you’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep until noon, because I’m a problem solver.

   It’s called a joke, we used to tell them before people got drunk on soymilk.

   There are two kinds of people, the ones who pack six days before a trip, and the ones who wake up the day of and realize they need to do a load of laundry, and then they marry each other.

   Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”

   I like to make people who hate me, hate me even more.

   Foreign aid, taking money from poor people of a rich country and giving it to the rich people of a poor country.

   Always be nice to people that have access to your toothbrush.

   Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever.

   The Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

   There are two kinds of people: Those who do whatever they’re told, no matter what. And, people who will do what is right, no matter what they are told. 😉

   Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.