Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think the salesman at Bob's Discount Furniture misunderstood when I told him I wanted one nightstand.

   But... Crazy people have more fun.

   Not sure what to make of this. I was in Krispy Kreme and some man asked if he could dunk his glazed jelly stick in my hot, steamy coffee cup.

   there a sale on stupidity, cause that shi* is everywhere.

   I’ve been dating a girl online who I think might be a Catfish. Every time I try to meet, her excuse is that she “can’t survive on dry land.”

   Elon Musk looks like a goose that had its beak removed.

   Common sense is so rare these days, it should be classified as a superpower.

   Where is that guy who hung out with Jeffrey Epstein for almost two decades? Oh yeah! LOL He's your leader now LMFAO Those of you with teen daughters? You should get them in a position as an intern. So he can put them in a position.

   My dream funeral would include me bring buried, wrapped in the confederate flag. Can't get more patriotic than that.

   Inuendo - what else, but an Italian name for Preparation H.

   Quelqu'un pourrait-il me diriger vers un site Web amusant de messages d'état ?

   If you take a social media sabbatical, don't announce it. Just make your last post something fun like "I wonder if there's a bear in this cave?"

   I’ll be giving free lobotomies behind Denny’s until 9pm to everyone who wants one and doesn’t want one

   Should I be suspicious if my wife sends me to pick up something she bought on Craig’s List just a week after we updated our life insurance?

   Cory Booker, Wow, 25 hrs no food, you’re up there with Gandhi

   "90% of Japanese cars are made in Japan." Before being called back to the stage after forgetting to actually sign the document. Donald Tr🤡mp (Stable Genius) April 2nd, 2025

   We're all gonna need lower mortgages seeing as our 401k's just became a 201k's.

   HE USED CHAT GPT TO WORK OUT THE TARIFFS!!!! 🤣 Everyone knows now. How humiliating! LMFAO

   Ret*rdlicans claiming the stock market was overly overbloated and it's a good thing it's crashing means Am*rican idi*ts are now at the "the B*den stock market was TOO high" phase of the M^G^ gaslighting.

   Good morning, to the Canuck. He identifies as Brenda, uses Aquanet Hair Spray, wears white pumps in summer, and carries his bowling ball with pride as he exits the single wide trailer.