Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your plethora of knowledge on Pakastani Volcanoes creates a plethora of barf that I'd like to extend to you as my way of saying I hate you.

   Wow! The economy is so bad people are even stealin from Dr.Suess now!

   Allen Iverson has retired more times than he practiced

   I want to share something with each and every one of you..... Your money.

   FYI: if you order a mcflurry 8 days in a row,, that's called a "McTurbo"... and they have to let you see the shed where they keep grimace

   That's for caring enough to tell everyone on the internet how much you don't care about what people think about you, people that care.

   Someday my kids will find my Twitter account and finally understand why we can't have nice things.

   Fwd: Me being on top of your newsfeed all the time is like me being on top of the world. Yeah I said that. :)

   fellas..... If your favorite Whitney Houston song is "im every woman" then there is something wrong....smh

   People who care what everyone thinks--"I don't care what anyone thinks!"

   Finally, I'm online! Just want to say to all my facebook friends good night.. out!

   His O face?? Him playing air guitar whilst having an enema and having his nostril electrocuted whilst his chest is being waxed..mmmmm

   Apparently the Russians tht attacked boston city will be grilled...

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!

   I'm searching flights online and I cant find a one way ticket to Poundtown.

   Show me where you were kissed from a rose so I know it's Seal

   Big Tex burns up at Texas State Fair.... you've got the be careful cooking up all of that fried food they have there....

   Okay, no wait, here it is, wait... I can't even type this one.... too funny!!!

   Please help me! The invisible spider-monkeys are trying to sequester me!

   David Dennison is my President.