Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That moment when you leave your facebook up around your friends when you get a msg, friend request, and a few notifications to make it look like your popular

   Money is paper, paper come from trees thus money grow on trees!

   I love deer season, Especially when I am driving alone in my Blazer , it's amazing how fast I purposely turn into a Comacazi pilot when I see a deer in the middle of the road-

   So its only B3G0 fool who gets away with re-p0sting old material up in this b!tch?

   happy father's day to all my daddy's... no homo though

   ''Do I look like a motherf**king comedian? Don't f**king heckle me. I'm Kanye motherf**king West. I'm dead f**king serious.''

   I just found out that eating spinach doesn't make you stronger.......now..… I … I just … my whole life has been a lie.

   An employee is a person who wears a tag and idle around seriously.

   needs a woman to give me Blue balls to celebrate BB Kings life...

   Who called it "camel toe" and not... oh wait, "camel toe" was there perfect thing to call it. Good job dude who called it camel toe.

   I always lick my lips when I see kids in public places because they need to realize their are bad people in this world

   I dont think the ugly loser should become president!

   Santa came down the chimney, at half past three. W

   Learn to carry your heaven with you. I mean learn to carry your liquor with you. Same thing anyways.

   Good grief...dont just sit there with a stupid look on your face like Stephen Hawking...say something!

   You are 18 yrs old, dating a 52 year old man and your status update says "I can't wait to see my baby" is he your baby or ANCESTOR?

   Seems like a circular driveway would be pointless...how would you ever get out?

   I don't get how holding the door for a stranger is polite but flushing the urinal for them isn't.

   If exercise eliminates excess fat how come some people have double chins?

   Don’t be selfish by asking god to find you a soul mate. God has bigger fish to fry, like cure diseases and save lives.