Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so So, my script is about a lactose-intolerant psychic lesbian spy with a penchant for cheese fries & loose women. -Awful movie pitches

   Do these throbbing jugulars, twitching temples & clenched jaws look 'calm' to you? Body language is key.

   If the world was really going to end wouldn't all the expiration dates be set for December 23rd or whatever day it is.

   Always remember the saying when you are hoping for the something that you feel is impossible to get.....where there is a will, there is a way...now....to find Will O_O

   What would happen if you were scared half to death twice?

   Pintervention: When an intervention is needed to drag your sig. other or friend off of Pintrest.

   Bored? Update your Facebook status to "in a relationship" with someone you've never met. (sex and/or age unimportant) If by chance they do confirm the affair, deny you ever sent the request and

   When they gonna get I'm shi#t faced parking stalls at wall mart...especially for the holiday season..???

   an OK meal...spaghetti O's & Special K

   If your neighbor invites you to come inside, please don't take it too literally. That's how you end up with a baby or in jail.

   while running full speed, that moment between life and death when someone pushes you past your speed limit

   New year resolution- nothing better to start the year than by making more rules to break over the year.

   Words are cheap... unless you use one of those 900 numbers... then they are normally about $2.99 a minute!

   kleptomania, when it's bad I take something for it..........Nipper

   So my tailbone has been killing me cause I'm putting in extra hours working. I talked to the nurse about it. She said and I quote "stop sitting on your ass so much".

   The front desk had an add on the TV that said just call them with any request to make your stay more enjoyable. So I did, jeez they didn't have to get so upset..

   I think there should be a hotline that won't answer for people who never take advice in the first place.

   Smartphones & PC's... iPhones are as popular as Windows PC's and Androids are as popular as Apple MAC's... Technological Karma :s

   A hello to those that may think you are crazy is only a wake-up call to those living on the other side.

   It turns out Muse is more than Musicians United for Safe Energy. It's an okay band too!