Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I must love my work...I love to sit and stare at it for hours....that's love right????

   "London Resident will have stationed on their rooftops batteries of surface to air missiles during the Olympics" ...What the hell are the expecting? The London Blitz of 2012?

   Had to lift both feet on the toilet today......it was awesome!!!

   I like songs that list a lot of things then have a chorus about the end of the world that's on fire as we know it & it's always burning.

   Some days I think I should start seriously dating again.. But the last time I got dumped by a girlfriend, I hijacked a taco truck & lived in a forest preserve for 3 months. Soo What I'm trying to say is I'm a survivor dammit!!

   ...just here baking in my own dutch oven... curse you taco bell!

   Oi DI#KHEAD!! If you can read this..Can you please let me know..coz it means I blocked the wrong person..Sorry bud..I'm still getting used to this Stupid timeline cr#p!!

   save your dinner pics for match . com not facebook, maybe you can score a fat date...loser

   You can't have at(tit)ude without the tit

   Does anyone know if there is an age limit to join the U.S Space Force? I think I would look good with a helmet on!

   I came into this world with nothing, and still have most of it.

   Take your spouse to IKEA from time to time to check out the status of your relationship

   If you people truly believe we're in danger then you are a f-ing moron.

   Too bad Freddie Mercury was a fl@mer. He could've had any 67 year old woman in the northeastern US.

   in a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?

   when life hands you lemons, through it back at live and say hey I asked for limes

   hiding in the T.A.R.D.I.S. hiding from the Daleks.

   true understanding can only be achieved through a balanced application of both head and heart...

   ...Pam Anderson helps relocate dogs affected by Oil Spill. Unfortnately she had to put one dog out of its misery. R.I.P. Jon Gosselin.

   wondering, where in the world is Carmen San Diego? I'm worried!