Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nerdy pickup lines: You have an appendix. I like that in a woman.

   Nerdy pickup lines: You have an appendix. I like that in a woman.

   Corrections its Every time I leave the house: ✔Phone ✔Wallet ✔Keys ✔extra phone battery and ✔Battery Charger

   W hite people will do any stupid thing they are told to do over the intercom at a sporting event.

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

   With dolly partons new face ,,she is now ready to play the Joker ,,,for the next Bat man movie The joker gone wild..!!

   Happy Sorta Sucks to be the Savior Day...Because it is a farcry of a Good Friday fro him.

   ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) (O.O) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) Opening a pack of gum at school.

   They need a Show called Bait Coochie.. Have a Chick laying there Butt-Naked and see if N1ggas walk up & try to stick it in!

   If you can spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi.

   What does Spurs, Arsenal and Paul McCartney have in common? They all get excited over one leg.

   best kind of woman to have is someone eleses.

   I'm thinking of writing a book. "confessions of a sexed up badger". Fictional erotica about a badger losing his virginity to young girl.....

   anyone else having technical problems on Facebook? Just checking before I call 911...

   Not sure what this might mean, but you can re-arrange the letters in Happy New Year to spell Wary Ye Happen.

   Guys who say, "We're only dating her and not yet married so why should I pay her bills" need to be reminded that sex is a 'marriage privilege'

   Midnight mass? I'll pass thanks. More Porto please...

   Recent studies show that┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ can be very effective in dealing with cases of chronic boredom. Use with caution - too much may lead to an addiction.

   getting rid of his "facebook wall" for the new "facebook window". Instead of writing comments on my wall, now all you ladies can "put em' on the glass".

   stole this status from a homeless guy, why he had a status that says this, I'll never know!