Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The only time you'll ever catch me poppin a molly is when that b1tch is talkin sh1t. #powrightinthekisser

   It's Friday! That means just two more days until Monday.

   Cancer is the Syria of diseases.

   I got 99 problems but an awesome right hand ain't one of them...

   Alchohol: Because you have never heard a great story start with, "I once ate this salad..."

   80s music brings me back to good times like when I didn't exist.

   News media should report more about professional NBA/NFL cheerleaders that comes out and says their lesbian or gay.....

   RIP Chris Kelly - trust you have gone to the big trampoline in Heaven to Jump, Jump

   I had a dream last night that I went back in time and instead of warning everyone about 9/11 I just talked about how cool smart phones are.

   Fighting off bunnies trying to steal my lucky charms

   Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

   My friend has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She's in pieces.

   that feeling when you are about to have sex with some hot gal you've been wanting for a long time...

   playing COD MW2 to give my brain cells something fun to do in case they're no longer around on Saturday morning after Friday nights events.

   Boxers don't have sex before a fight, do you know why that is??? They don't fancy each other

   "I like" IF EVERYONE stops writing where they "like it" ... thank you!

   wonders who's bright idea it was to shut down facebook chat for maintenence -___-

   Sometimes, people get caught up in their own self pity/misery that they fail to see what they are doing to the people around who love them

   life is like a box of coco. Not a box of chocolate, a box of coco. Why? Everything comes in stupid make-it- yourself kits! >:(

   reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.