Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Grandpa's ghost hovers all around the house. It's scary!" "He's not dead! And that's his Hoveround power chair!" "Well, he smells dead."

   A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a tiger wood...

   It's amazing how a good a fat person can look... Once their skinny!

   (Continued) DASANI (part of the COCA-COLA company) water bottles. After a long day of protesting they'll get in their CHEVY, FORD, GM vechicles powered by gasoline from EXXON/MOBIL, CHEVRON, CONOCO/PHILLIPS and will stop and eat at MC DONALD'S, SUBWAY, TA

   ♫ Jesus freaks, out in the streets, handing tickets out for God...♫

   Contrary to popular belief, cats actually love water. You just have to set them on fire first.

   Make sure to send prayers to people suffering from natural disasters, because if god didn't care while he was doing it, he surely will after

   The only funny thing about jay leno is that he's going to die someday.

   the wheels of the bus go round and round. And it's making me sick.

   I couldn't sleep last night! He wouldn't leave me alone, I told him to stop I wasn't in the mood. He wouldn't listen he began exploring my body...I woke up with mosquito bites all over. I guess he couldn't get enough of me!

   thinking people need to quit quoting Steve Wright he wasnt funny the first 50 billion times we've heard it

   Nickelback-Flash…..Why would Tiger Woods risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?......then again why would any guy risk being seen at a Nickelback concert?

   Why do all Mexican restaurants serve Pepsi and not Coke?

   cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass...

   Excuse me miss I believe your ass is on fire... let me help you put it out

   ALL UR LIES you SAID, ' I love U' WAS MY FAVOURITE

   I bought way too much food when the pandemic began and now my tater tots are tater tweens.

   Now I realize why some people loves the uneducated people.

   Two of the saddest days in American 9/11 and 11/9!

   Mark Zuckerburg is worth billions. Yet, he marries Priscilla Chan. He would have been better off with a mail order bride.