Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   more technology= Less Jobs.........Simple

   To the guy that just passed me with a "General Lee" car on his trailer, I HATE YOU!

   My gf says she's got crabs ..so I went out and bought her a pair of fish net stockings

   Face down A55 up, thats the way I select donuts at Dunkin Donuts

   你有時間嗎？..Sorry, No Hablo Espanol.. .

   Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll.

   Sweet as heaven, hot as hell, born to tease, taught to please!

   Climbed aboard the dream weaver train.

   Its like a sowna in here...no more pantilonies

   my ex was so fat she used to but her belt on with a boomerrang

   If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices. If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices

   Taco Bell now going Gourmet and offering Chihuahua Rice and Mexican premium Water!

   I saw something that reminded me of you...but don't worry, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands.

   Probably the worst time to be an Arab is when you get caught with a bomb in your backpack at the airport.

   Man get of the couch and do something with your life. Christ even eggs get laid!

   NOT ONE of the mannequins at Victoria Secret has an anatomically correct back passage.

   Now that I am bald now and I know where dandruff on my shoes are coming from

   hacking Santa's NAUGHTYand NICE list!!!!! x-mas is going to be the bomb!!

   Welcome to the SATs - your score today may determine which College Loan you'll be paying well into your 40s. Let's begin.

   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong…