Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just admit when you're wrong, people will respect you so much more for it

   The best part about getting older is vaguely remembering all the sex you had when you were younger.

   I hate how my husband has to eat food every day.

   Apparently it wasn't a hit & run. Lindsay Lohan was just preparing for a new movie role. It's about a strung out has-been actress.

   Your knees are too clean for you to be a good girlfriend.

   On My Way To Walmart For Some Rascal Tipping

   Music doesn't deserve our bad memories.

   If you call yourself hot, you're not

   I heard Amish black dudes have the biggest beards.

   Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.

   if men could have multiple 0rgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.

   The most awkward conversation must have been between the guy who invented toilet paper and the first person he told about it.

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense

   I don't mind going to work. It's that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

   What I lack in imagination,,, I make up.

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.

   “if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.” And yet, people complain about today's song lyrics…

   Sometimes pretending to be busy takes more effort than being busy.

   Ladies and Gentlemen, the end of the world has been postponed due to lack of interest .