Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?

   I wonder if Trump does all his tweeting while taking a dump on the toilet.

   Which Knee? the left knee? the right knee?...the weenie?

   Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.

   Anthony Weiner gets Hard time. Pun intended!

   Pro athletes are just modern day court jesters who are only here to entertain us.

   Yes I took a knee before the game on Sunday. It took three people and a promise of a chocolate chip cookie to get me back on my feet again.

   Tom Brady, a white man, supports the NFL player's protest. What are you guys going to do now?

   One of those protesting coons home gets broken into and I bet they call the Po Po!!

   I'm confused. What doe the anthem and flag have to do with NFL players protesting police injustice??

   Breaking NFL NEWS Pittsburg's NFLteam is rebranding and will now be known as "The Pittsburgh Kneelers".

   "Courageous Patriots have fought and died for our great American Flag --- we MUST honor and respect it! MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!" - Says a serial draft dodger.

   its amazing how fast my phone is now that I removed the NFL app.

   To everyone reading this congratulations for surviving the end of the world.

   Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.

   Cutting a hole in the bottom of a table with a saw to steal a pie is way harder than it looks in cartoons.

   If it was not for the dumb things I did as a kid. I would not have anything to laugh about today.

   Trump invite the Russian national basketball team to the White House. Yeah, nothing's more American than a Russian team, lol

   The San Francisco Giants visited an orphanage in Mexico last week. "It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 6.

   The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.