Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Am I the only one that found irony in Walmart having a whites sale this week?

   I stick my leg out of my covers when its hot, but then I feel unprotected.

   How come when old people get free health care it is called something nice like medicare, but when everybody gets it they call it communism?

   I just want to thank all the great people in the USA for electing such a great man like Barack Obama. Ever since he got elected there's been so much change. Facebook's layout got changed like 2 times!! Thats impressive!

   Dear Warner Brothers: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.

   Welcome to Facebook. Feel free to attack, judge and air your own and everyone Else's dirty laundry!! Don't forget to keep it Catty and Cryptic!!

   If you are taken any E.D.prescription medication and have an a erection lasting more then 4 hours, No need to call the doctor, Just look at a picture of Nancy Pelosi and everything will be back to normal.

   So where did they get the flux capaciter for the hot tub anyways?

   If the best things in life are free? Then why am I always broke?

   (RAH)² (AH)³ + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)² + (OOH) (LA)²

   Obama promised change.If we are lucky we will have a few pennies from every dollar earned, thats the change we get. makes me wanna get up every day and go to work knowing I am funding health care for the lazy Americans who wont work. Only in America, WOW!

   I would take a bullet for u.. Not the head but like in the leg or something....

   filling out an application for Obama's death panel. I would like to be a senior member of the panel when Pelosi's number is due.

   Why Do Guys Cheat On Pretty Girls With Ugly Ones....?

   a drunk was hauled into court.”Mister,” the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.” “Great,” the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”

   How can you tell when a democrat is lying? When his lips are moving!

   wonders what age I'll be when Obama's death panel deems me "no longer cost effective."

   monday is a perfect day for my taxes to go up. Thanks Nancy!

   All my years of education have boiled down to this… May I take your order?

   Life is like a confused teacher... First she gives the test then she teaches the lesson