Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wtf why does everyone on facebook think there models?

   Women want a fairytale romance. Men Just want a happy ending...

   I'd take your message of social upheaval much more seriously if your "Anarchy" patch hadn't been purchased at Hot Topic.

   Remembers how much better nostalgia used to be.

   I finally organized my clutter desktop. now I have everything in one tidy folder-labled "Desktop".

   I can't find my "Where's Waldo" book. Looks like he's won before we even started.

   They say every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your life. I have now officially removed the adult-diaper years...

   I've heard Drug Addiction, Smoke Addiction, Alcohol Addiction, Gamble Addiction... but TECHNOLOGY Addiction, now that's new!

   survived April Fools Day without being pranked, however there was a baby on my doorstep this morning, but i'm pretty sure thats unrelated.

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   feeling sofa king great today!!!!!

   I never realized how much I cuss until I had to add all those 4 letter words to my phones dictionary. I am not ducking crazy, piece of shirt !

   did my taxes yesterday.. seemed like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the Government

   just because I rock doesnt mean I'm made of stone

   This is not the greatest status message in the world. No this is just a tribute!

   ..thinks a toaster should give some sort of an indication when it's going to pop instead of scaring the crap out of me when it does!!

   ahh young love.Full of promise,full of hope.Ignorant of reality.Not all guys can turn into vampires n watch you sleep at night..am jus sayin.

   tends to seek forgiveness later rather than ask for permission now.

   A horse told me not to drive home last night.I think there was a cop on top of it.

   Research says laughter can lengthen your life and smoking shortens it. So, I always chuckle between puffs.