Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

   Got called "shallow" recently because I said I wasnt really into "plus size" women... received the classic quote, "its not what's on the outside, it's what's inside their heart that counts." yeah, too bad their heart is the size of a Canned Ham.

   I love how I don't have to watch the weather channel, I just sign onto Facebook and check the latest status updates.

   Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

   I know two wrongs doesn't make a right, but I'm determined to find out just how many wrongs will.

   I need a way to change my relationship status to "Out of Order" or "Temporarily Out of Service."

   I didn't realize until Facebook that most of my friends are wannabe farmers, gangsters or cooks.

   I like the new "like" button to "like" someone's response to a status they possibly "like." So, like, when can they add a dis-"like" button? You know, like to use on this status.

   I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.

   Hurricane Watch for south Texas, blame it on George W. Bush....

   I swear the vending machine starts talking to me when I'm on a diet. @Squishy_Penguin

   Run little rabbit! Run!

   thinks its quite funny that my mate with Attention Deficit Disorder drives a Focus.....

   You guys seriously f**k to Justin Beiber? That's sad.

   It's so hot outside! I just saw a squirrel fanning his nuts.

   Type 2204355 and hit I'm feeling lucky in google... worth it

   made in heaven

   You are A-Attractive, B-Beautiful, C-Charming, D-Dear to me, E-Exciting, F-Funny, G-Godsent...H-Hehehe, I-Im, J-Just, K-Kidding...

   always feels so weird after having hot dreams about my friends. I find it hard to look them in the eye for the few days after.