Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to seriously.

   The new Def Leppard Rock Band game is such a rip off. It only came with one drum stick.

   I think someone used my toothbrush to scrub the toilet because my toilet tastes like toothpaste

   Pull up to the gas pump,,tanks on the wrong side.. Did a u-ie,,Tanks still on the wrong side... I quietly got back in my car and left.

   Every meal I didn't have to cook myself,, is the best meal I've ever had.

   When a random stranger offers you drugs on the street say thank you because drugs are expensive

   Why do I always want “that kind” of s*x when I know that it hurts you and that you hate it? Seems like you just answered your own question.

   Ever since that tiger mauled Siegfried's boyfriend, I think the line has been blurred between a fruit and a vegetable. Just sayin'.

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   when it costs more to get to work than you make, the amish are probly laughin their @sses off

   Suddenly Oil prices are more intresting than all this hype about Tebow!!!

   Had to go to a photo chop shop to get a good price on a new nose. I look amazing now!

   New Crayola colors... Aereola Pink, Ball Vein Blue, Puckered Sphincter Brown. They figured after watching Ky intense and extenze commercials, anything goes.

   The people on Jerry Springer are also the people of Walmart

   If Robert E Lee were alive, I would vote him for President

   In my opinion, McDonalds cant serve breakfast all day because neither a 14 or a 70 yr old can see the difference between a hamburger and sausage patty

   Bikini season...lets use some good judgement, if you cant see the top of your bikini bottom without squirmin....dont wear it

   Fellaz: Commenting on and liking every other half-naked girl's Facebook picture makes you look damn thirsty! Have some dignity or buy some.

   Dude, She just called you deaf.... "What?", She just called you deaf, "What?" SHE CALLED YOU DEAF, "Oh hell no my names not Beth.

   Photoshop CS6 Beta has just been released, I know all the ugly people just excited.