Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Through technical scientific research, I have discovered a direct correlation between the size of a woman's breasts and how mentally unstable she is. The bigger the boobs, the bigger the crazy.

   Don't take this the wrong way, but putting your number on FB, asking people to 'invite' you on WhatsApp, has got to be on some world record level of DESPERATE

   If buying cereal for the coveted toy inside is wrong , I don't want to be right .

   Hey FB friend, the only time I've acknowledged you ever was thirty seconds after I accepted your friend request I scanned through your photos with negative results.

   I'm confused...someone just said the disco queen died, but John Travolta appears to still be alive.

   An autopsy report reviled that marijuana was found in Trayvon's blood system... Now I'm really pissed!  Zimmerman making Travon smoke weed before shooting him? That's just wrong!

   Click "Like" if you're for team Zimmerman. Click "Unfriend" if you're for team Martin.

   if I had a time machine I would stop O.J. Simpson from killing those people then nobody would know what a Kardashian is

   Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot. 

   Guys: Wow, her status is dumb. but she's cute, so I'm going to like it.

   You're at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

   My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.

   The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I pay with.

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.

   I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet & Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.

   I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bi$ch what??

   Pretending to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out...

   the WNBA season starts Saturday. In related news, no one gives a $hit...

   Odd,, that Yahoo's search for a new CEO got only one result...

   " ROXY " the world's most sophisticated talking woman robot has a $75,000 price tag.. The silent version is $ 45,000