Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups,,,, huh Bloomberg??

   New York on terror alert as Al Qaeda threaten to crash submarines into the Empire State Building.

   thankful Sandy decided to help out with the yardwork and blow my leaf piles down the road!

   Like if you knew Mitt Romney moved to France to skip the Vietnam draft. Flipper/Dodger.

   Who names these hurricanes? I don't want to die in a hurricane named sandy, I wanna be wiped out by the cyclone of doom, the hurricane of pain or even the population ripper but please god, not sandy!

   Like if you're on the East Coast!

   why are all these wicked and crazy storms named after women?

   No one can text faster than a pissed off woman

   I hope Sandy doesn't blow all the dirt off the top of New Jersey's landfills...I mean mountains!!

   Since this is an "S" storm, I think they should have named it Hurricane Snookie since it will be slamming and blowing the entire Jersey Shore

   That very very sad moment when you bite into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it's really just a cleverly disguised oatmeal raisin cookie.

   *ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am

   They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it.

   How many mexicans does it take t-... Oh sh#t, they're done..

   Hurricane Sandy is Mother Nature's way of preventing another MTV Jersey Shore cast from happening. She's had enough!!!

   Am I the only one that uses the calculator on a cellphone to find out the best deal on beer by calculating the "cost/per ounce" ratio?

   The books aren't nearly as cute once you find out Waldo is a deadbeat dad.

   I hope everyone's fridge gets knocked out in the storm. Bama voters will be in line for new food-stamps instead of voting.

   this just in: Quiting smoking increases your lifespan. Also, beer is delicious!

   I mowed my own lawn today and my amigo, Jorge, Won't speak to me now...