Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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How are we supposed to get through the impending zombie apocalypse without Hostess Twinkies!? 
Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ
Well, I guess Twinkies don't last forever.
maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.
What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?
With the rush to run out and stock up on Twinkee's, I've invested my money this morning into insulin. Who's a thinking?
The sign at this Burger King bathroom says employees must wash hands. I've been waiting for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing.
Dear Men. When a woman is upset, don't ask her what's wrong, but for GODS sake don't not ask her what's wrong either. Hope this helps.
We have 187 friends in common and I still have no idea who you are...
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.
Further proof the Mayans were right. Hostess goes bust while Little Debbie flourishes.
The only thing better than living a mundane, boring life is writing about it on the internet.
Thinking about suing my job for refusing to recognize my religion of being a bear and denying me my beliefs of winter hibernation.
Inspirational stat us: Today's probably going to suck. Don't be a little b*tch and handle that sh*t.
Every guy has a soft sensitive side. It's called “I need to get laid and I'll say and do anything to make it happen.”
I get really excited when scrolling through the channel guide and see "Beverly Hills" out of the corner of my eye, then I notice it's 90210 instead of Beverly Hills Cop.
I haven't wanted a Twinkie in years.... until I was told I couldn't have them anymore.
Ready, Set, Weekend !
We got it own to a science. You keep sending those facebook invites, and I'll keep declining 'em. 