Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "The Santa Clause" use the exact same plot formula.

   Hockey still exists? Yeah right... next you're gonna tell me MTV plays music videos.

   They should rename Hockey "H0nkey", 'cause it's one of the last major team sports still dominated by Caucasoids. Thank G0D.

   it safe to comeback? Are the kids back to school yet?

   HA HA !! Kim Kardashian is Killing Kanye's Popularity ! What a D Bag !

   1920: "May I have this dance?" 1950: "Want to go to the drive-in?" 1980: "What's your sign?" 2012: "Here's a picture of my pe**s."

   I think its about time we put the movie 2012 in the comedy section...

   i hate when I delete and add someones phone number so many times that I memorize it

   I'm not saying shes fat, I'm just saying if I had to pick five of the fattest people I know, she'd be three of them.

   I bet the person who invented lunges was really just some dude adjusting his sack.

   I'd be concerned with making a concerted effort to not write '2012' on my checks if it wasn't 2013, and the fact that I haven't written an actual check in over 10 years.

   Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashian's 24/7.

   Letsh Have Shex! - Horny Sean Connery

   I will dance with the devil, but I will always take the lead.

   Technically they're not prostitutes if you refuse to pay them.

   I once stopped a woman's hiccups by pinching her nipple, I had no idea if it would work but guys will think of anything to touch a boob.

   To predict how someone is going to treat you, look at how they treat the waiters.

   ''Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but she havin' ma' baby. Now I ain't sayin' she a ho either, but we ain't married.''

   As if the world didn't have enough Kardashian genetic material already.

   Dear atheist, if God doesn't exist, then explain why Kim Kardashian is famous?