Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook asks me "Whats on my mind" so I post whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you know where the unfriend and block option is

   Jesus changed your life? My remote's broken.You think you can get him to change the channel?

   Me- I kinda like this girl Girl- Really? Who ???? Me- Ummmmm She kinda looks like you Girl- aww is it me? ;) ♥ Me- No!! Your sister lol

   please let me blow it before you stick it in. (classic nintendo cartridge)

   Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

   The man who created knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

   I like how ninja turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. It's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.

   A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.

   Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."

   March 24. Springtime. Cold, windy, and snow... But this groundhog stew is DELICIOUS!

   The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

   "Why is Justin Bieber so pale?" "Because there's no sun in the closet"

   Dear Youtube, I can deal with Ads. I can deal with Buffer. But when Ads Buffer, I suffer!

   I am having so much fun and enjoying my life right now that I would be really pissed if I were to die.

   Happy Single Guys Day everyone....................Palm Sunday.

   Most people's religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them.

   Hope I never go to jail,, because I haven't memorized a phone number since 2003.

   nobody, and I mean nobody has less street cred than a brother named Cody...