Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook: a place when you even write your suicide note, you'll get likes.

   admit it. We ALL got a little Gary Busey inside us...

   missing the days when he talked in third person...

   Kentucky Derby: Look...if I wanna get all worked up about two pseudo-exciting minutes...I'll go have sex.

   Today I wish a Happy Easter to my Greek Orthodox and Russian friends. Your ancestors really sucked at reading the calendar.

   Some people are just meant to be a loan.

   MAY the FOURTH be with you

   went to a carnival trying to win an X-box Kinect and the next thing he knew , he'd lost his entire life savings and all he had to show for it was a giant banana with dreadlocks.

   Lil' Wayne Lost his Mountain Dew endorsement over "creative differences" for his Emmett Till reference in his song called "Karate Chop (remix)" ... Now remember, silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   Facebook is the "Bermuda Triangle" of the internet.

   Men stand up to get knocked down - woman lie down to get knocked up!

   5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.

   used to arrive fashionably late to parties until he realized it didn't matter because the party only starts when he arrives.

   It's not gay if you forgot your safe word.

   I swear when black girls wear green contacts they look like a walking xbox

   Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!

   The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Unless he's a vegan - then I'm pretty sure you can just get there through his p*ssy.